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papajensai
Papajensai  (Level: 192.9 - Posts: 1025)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 2:12 PM

THE ARISTOCRATS!

Punchlines Only

No thanks, if five shots won't get rid of the taste, I don't think six will either.

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 2:17 PM


I've heard it as "The Sophisticates!" Funny either way. Although Gilbert Gottfried's version would have you puking...

erin0620
Erin0620  (Level: 77.2 - Posts: 737)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 2:24 PM

"No, it's the one wearing the wedding ring...but I like the way you're thinking!"

acofish
Acofish  (Level: 59.9 - Posts: 98)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 2:28 PM

"His was just lipstick!"

alvandy
Alvandy  (Level: 229.3 - Posts: 7560)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 3:18 PM

If you get the chance- watch the television documentary show produced by Penn Jillette [Penn and Teller] about The Aristocrats!

It's great!! [Was dedicated to Johnny Carson]

ricksdusa
Ricksdusa  (Level: 22.6 - Posts: 69)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 3:35 PM

"I'm not showing you the big one then"

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 3:46 PM

(confused) I thought the punchline was "The Aristocrats!" after the talent manager asks them (after the horror).

What are these other punchlines?

erin0620
Erin0620  (Level: 77.2 - Posts: 737)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 3:49 PM

he just wants punchlines..like "liquor, I hardly know her", I think it's just imagining to what the punchline refers..

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 3:52 PM

"Why yes it is, and you can rub it for luck if you want."

ricksdusa
Ricksdusa  (Level: 22.6 - Posts: 69)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 4:31 PM

"Well it must be your feet then"

rnmorg
Rnmorg  (Level: 128.2 - Posts: 690)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 4:40 PM

"RECTUM? Damn near killed 'em!"

rnmorg
Rnmorg  (Level: 128.2 - Posts: 690)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 4:52 PM

Oh damn! Now I wish I could change mine

"OH NO! Not the Breathalyzer again!"

papajensai
Papajensai  (Level: 192.9 - Posts: 1025)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 5:59 PM

"Okay, where's this Eskimo woman I gotta kill?"

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 6:00 PM

"Why do you ask, Two-Dogs-a-_____ing?"

donden
Donden  (Level: 112.5 - Posts: 2127)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 6:01 PM

Go ahead but he might bite

phitzy1
Phitzy1  (Level: 66.4 - Posts: 873)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 6:13 PM

Now turn it around...

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 6:26 PM

"The right knee, the left knee, and the wee-knee."

papajensai
Papajensai  (Level: 192.9 - Posts: 1025)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 7:11 PM

"Oh, no ma'am, I just wanted to tell you that your sign fell down."

rnmorg
Rnmorg  (Level: 128.2 - Posts: 690)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 7:12 PM

"Green side up!"

papajensai
Papajensai  (Level: 192.9 - Posts: 1025)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 7:48 PM

I only recognize about a third of these punchlines...if you want to email the rest of your joke to me, I'll post 'em all on a non-sploofus web page for everyone's delectation. Don't send the joke by Sploofus PM. Probably not "family friendly". I'll PM you my email address if you PM me that you want it.

donden
Donden  (Level: 112.5 - Posts: 2127)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 8:40 PM

"Could you put me up for the night?"

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 9:11 PM


"The Aristocrats !!"

kaufman
Kaufman  (Level: 256.8 - Posts: 3936)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 11:08 PM

"No, but my girlfriend goes to Minnesota."

allena
Allena  (Level: 255.3 - Posts: 1390)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 11:43 PM

Hitler, Mussolini, Genghis Kahn, and my gorilla who putts just like he drives.

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 12:17 AM


"The Aristocrats!!"


....am I unclear on the concept?

larefamiliaris
Larefamiliaris  (Level: 135.2 - Posts: 877)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 9:04 AM

"You're Thor? I'm tho thore I can hardly thtand!"

kaufman
Kaufman  (Level: 256.8 - Posts: 3936)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 9:07 AM

"WELCOME TO JAMAICA, MON, HAVE A NICE DAY"

dona
Dona  (Level: 204.1 - Posts: 14)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 10:18 AM

Because I wove you! Wmaug ... what thread that ways the wame thing ... ??? Willy!

fudypatootie
Fudypatootie  (Level: 197.1 - Posts: 1302)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 11:42 AM

"So much for your &$#@%^& canoe!"

allena
Allena  (Level: 255.3 - Posts: 1390)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 12:53 PM

'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing!'

ricksdusa
Ricksdusa  (Level: 22.6 - Posts: 69)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 12:57 PM

"I wanna see if you eat like a rabbit too"

kaufman
Kaufman  (Level: 256.8 - Posts: 3936)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 1:34 PM

"The breakfast was my idea."

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 1:46 PM

This is stoopid, post the jokes.


====================
Three old guys -- not Jews -- are sitting around complaining.

"Oy, old age. Every morning I get up at 6:00 am," says the first guy. "I sit on the toilet for 15 minutes. All I can make is a little tinkle, and a little bm."

"That's nothing," says the second old guy. "Every morning I get up at 6:00 am. I sit on the pot for 45 minutes and I only tinkle a little bit and make no bm."

The third guy says "I got it even worse. 8:00 am every morning I piss a gallon out and take a huge BM."

"What!", cry the other two men. "How can that be worse?"

"Because I don't wake up until 11 o'oclock."


papajensai
Papajensai  (Level: 192.9 - Posts: 1025)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 3:54 PM

Stoopid is as Stoopid does.

I liked your joke.

Most of the jokes aren't postable on Sploofus. One person tried to post his joke, and it was promptly zapped.

ricksdusa
Ricksdusa  (Level: 22.6 - Posts: 69)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 4:55 PM

" Cause I've just seen my mate coming with an armfull of coconuts!"

allena
Allena  (Level: 255.3 - Posts: 1390)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 9:50 PM

Here's the punch line.
... my watch was an hour fast. May I buy you a drink?"
Nothing, right?


At the ARISTOCRAT, the friendly pub.
"My watch keeps me posted with telepathy."
"How's that, the lovely said."
"Well, for example, it says you aren't wearing underwear."
"My, my, but you see my dear, I DO have on panties."
"Darn ... I KNEW my watch was an hour fast. May I buy you a drink?"


papermanbill
Papermanbill  (Level: 41.3 - Posts: 1313)
Wed, 5th Mar '08 7:38 PM

"Take my wife Please !! "


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