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cjar855
Cjar855  (Level: 133.4 - Posts: 838)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 8:40 PM

BLOG OF A DEMENTED ILLINOIS SNOW SHOVELER

Blog of a Demented Illinois Snow Shoveler

December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving to Indiana was the best idea I've ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to 20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my Pontiac and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's Toytoa and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed at me for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on
to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove,
but won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm nearly freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day.
The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so
cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel
and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 25. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house
this morning. What is she, nuts? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by the snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I
ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and
beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've
just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25
Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn freezy skid stuff tonight - Snowed in The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the damn snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all her idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped below 0 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting. Surprise! He only charged me $1,400 to replace the frozen pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above 0. Still snowed in. Do this, Do that.The bitch is driving me crazy!

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for over a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed? Is it Spring yet?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


acofish
Acofish  (Level: 59.9 - Posts: 98)
Mon, 3rd Mar '08 10:55 PM

wow! I just moved to Ohio from South Carolina this past summer and I can kinda relate to some of this! I just couldn't wait to see snow...

geophile
Geophile  (Level: 159.4 - Posts: 1521)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 1:17 AM

It took me twenty years before I thought of California as "home" I missed New England so much. Then I went back for a funeral in the middle of winter and thought I would die! I can look at snow occasionally on Palomar Mountain from the comfort of my livingroom and that suits me fine. I feel really privileged to live here, nutty as it is.

ricksdusa
Ricksdusa  (Level: 22.6 - Posts: 69)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 10:21 AM

Thanks for that cjar......Made me just about cry! I'm in the middle of my third winter in South Dakota and really appreciate the sentiment. I remember my first winter here. My wife told me I'd have a heart attack if I tried to smoke and shovel at the same time.....and I thought she was full of beans!

1mks
1mks  (Level: 211.2 - Posts: 5884)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 10:32 AM

I had to recheck who originally posted this as I thought it just HAD to be from Lodi. She adores her weather in Idaho so much. Thanks for the smiles. I am sure that I would feel the same way. I am that way about summer here in Texas. I hate it with a passion.

bushyfox
Bushyfox  (Level: 174.4 - Posts: 2403)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 1:24 PM

The sidewalk areas in Anchorage, Alaska are very icy at present, and walking is extremely hazardous. There has been no new snow for almost two weeks, the snowplows have piled up huge mounds of old snow everywhere, quite a bit of that has turned into blocks of dirty ice.

The ravens are still managing to scrounge a living, and some tiny li'l birds twitter sweetly in the bare branches of the birch trees.

Regardless of the attitude of most folks that they are sick of winter, most still are quick with a warm smile and greeting........some fresh snow would brighten faces too!

~Bev

cjar855
Cjar855  (Level: 133.4 - Posts: 838)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 2:00 PM

Well spring can't come soon enough for. I've benn in Illinois for 28 years now and this has been one wicked winter. If we weren't freezing than we we being dumped on with the snow.This is one winter I didn't even want to leave the house.

Cathy

sblv
Sblv  (Level: 188.6 - Posts: 337)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 2:49 PM

Loved this winter in Chicago, sorry to disagree. Just thinking of our scorching-humid July/August here makes me love the snow even more. I will miss it.

phitzy1
Phitzy1  (Level: 66.4 - Posts: 873)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 2:59 PM

LMAO!!! It sounds like a diary I may have kept after moving from Florida to Michigan 20 years ago!

Back in Florida again...No snow!

cjar855
Cjar855  (Level: 133.4 - Posts: 838)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 4:10 PM

For me the more heat the better

nelly
Nelly  (Level: 172.0 - Posts: 1167)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 4:32 PM

Thanks Cathy. It's good to laugh!

twoxfourman
Twoxfourman  (Level: 82.4 - Posts: 153)
Tue, 4th Mar '08 4:37 PM

Is this the wish thread? Can I still beg for snow?

headylamar
Headylamar  (Level: 150.7 - Posts: 740)
Wed, 5th Mar '08 7:02 AM

Boy, it can snow all you like in Minnesota! I love the snow, but this Michigan girl has had enough! It's March and I want warm breezes and SPRING!!

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Wed, 5th Mar '08 8:18 AM

I thought it was spring and I woke up to snow yesterday. I thought I was going to cry.

After our last big snow, there was an article in the paper about a family who had moved up from California to enjoy the Idaho ruggedness. The article showed them packing their stuff and getting the hell outa dodge.

lisap369
Lisap369  (Level: 61.1 - Posts: 992)
Wed, 5th Mar '08 8:38 AM

Hey Lodi.. my daughter is on her way to Pocatello as I type this... crazy... wicked storm here this morning (southern Ontario). She's driving to Buffalo to catch a plane to Salt Lake and then drive to Pocatello (sounds like she's travelling from one snow storm to another).. my fingers are crossed.

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Wed, 5th Mar '08 8:50 AM

Ah - Southern Idaho. Their weather will be better. Looks clear & cold right now.

lisap369
Lisap369  (Level: 61.1 - Posts: 992)
Wed, 5th Mar '08 9:59 AM

Good to know! Thanks

tuzilla
Tuzilla  (Level: 134.1 - Posts: 3778)
Wed, 5th Mar '08 12:30 PM

I will be back home from New Orleans on Sunday. Can you get my driveway cleared off before hand?

papermanbill
Papermanbill  (Level: 41.3 - Posts: 1313)
Wed, 5th Mar '08 7:32 PM

Snow and cold weather are two of the most healthy things you and your body enjoy. Snow changes the dull brown earth to pretty white and the cold air is invigorating. If you want a fun experience, take a walk for about a mile ,at night, in the snow when it is about ten below zero. Then go into your warm house with the fireplace going and have a good hot cup of coffee or hot chocolate. I lived in Florida for three years and I don't care if it ever goes above freezing again. Women up North are much more attractive and healthy looking compared to those down South. I could go farther, but I'd cause too much of an uproar.

chickfbref1
Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Wed, 5th Mar '08 7:40 PM

Big problem with all that snow melting is...50 pounds of dog shit.

Sigh, back out to the yard again.

Me.

cjar855
Cjar855  (Level: 133.4 - Posts: 838)
Wed, 5th Mar '08 7:53 PM

Thats why it is good to have a small dog. Only Fingerlings here..

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Wed, 5th Mar '08 7:56 PM

That's why I've trained the dogs to poop in the horse pasture. We have a "no poop zone" in both the back and front yards.


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