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donden
Donden  (Level: 112.5 - Posts: 2127)
Sat, 8th Mar '08 3:54 PM

THE IRISH

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he just got run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose broken, his face is bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner 'n me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little turd O'Conner" says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, He must have had something in his hand"

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it"

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have anything in your hand?"

"That I did" said Paddy. "Mrs O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Patrick Murphy, drunk again, staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The priest coughs a few times to get his attention but Patrick continues to sit there, quietly.

Finally the priest pounds three time on the wall.

Patrick mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin',,, there ain't no paper on this side either"


maurlin
Maurlin  (Level: 213.4 - Posts: 2671)
Sat, 8th Mar '08 6:42 PM

I especially like the last one, and I've passed it on.

fudypatootie
Fudypatootie  (Level: 197.3 - Posts: 1302)
Sat, 8th Mar '08 6:57 PM

May those who love us, love us
And those who don't love us,
May God turn their hearts
And if He will not turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles
So we will know them by their limping!
— Irish Saying


smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Sat, 8th Mar '08 8:00 PM


aye reminds me o' that famous Irish gay couple, Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.

smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Sat, 8th Mar '08 8:08 PM


Paddy has a tough night drinking and falls asleep with his head on the bar. He wakes up at midnite drunk as a lord and pukes all over his new shirt.

"ah Jaysus, me wifey is going to kill me," he says to the barkeep.

The barkeep says, "No problem. Give me ten dollars." Paddy fumbles around and hands him the bill. The barkeep stuffs it into Paddy's top shirt pocket.

"Here is what you do. You tell her you were being a good Christian and helping a drunk guy home, and the guy puked all over you. The drunk guy gave you ten bucks to clean the shirt and that is it in your shirt pocket."

So Paddy has a cup of coffee and thinks about it and then goes home.

His wife confronts him at the door. So Paddy tells her the story.."etc, etc, gave me this ten dollars to clean the pukey shirt". She leans over and takes the bill out off his pocket. "This isn't a ten dollar bill, this is a $20 bill?!"

"Oh, I forgot," says Paddy. "He shat in my drawers, too."

taco24
Taco24  (Level: 131.3 - Posts: 589)
Sat, 8th Mar '08 10:47 PM

ROFL! Thanks for the laughter.
So amusing......



felix
Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Sun, 9th Mar '08 6:05 PM

What's Irish and stays out all night?

taco24
Taco24  (Level: 131.3 - Posts: 589)
Sun, 9th Mar '08 6:14 PM

what?

"waiting anxiously for response"


smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Sun, 9th Mar '08 9:12 PM

Paddy O'Furniture

that was a bar in St. Thomas for awhile...


smaug
Smaug  (Level: 141.2 - Posts: 2772)
Sun, 9th Mar '08 9:12 PM

Paddy O'Furniture

that was a bar in St. Thomas for awhile...


taco24
Taco24  (Level: 131.3 - Posts: 589)
Mon, 10th Mar '08 5:01 AM

*smile*

scifidwarf
Scifidwarf  (Level: 140.8 - Posts: 249)
Wed, 12th Mar '08 12:16 PM

How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?

bobbsey
Bobbsey  (Level: 153.6 - Posts: 252)
Sat, 15th Mar '08 5:57 AM

smaug, is that like ben dover and phillip Mckavity

chickfbref1
Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Sat, 15th Mar '08 1:01 PM

Bump

eesusbejesus
Eesusbejesus  (Level: 75.0 - Posts: 3645)
Sat, 15th Mar '08 1:02 PM

My grandfather was Irish. I couldn't understand him when he talked. Probably because of the whiskey.

felix
Felix  (Level: 109.3 - Posts: 2500)
Sat, 15th Mar '08 3:40 PM

What's the difference between an Irish wake and an Irish wedding?

scifidwarf
Scifidwarf  (Level: 140.8 - Posts: 249)
Sun, 16th Mar '08 12:47 AM

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100-1 to hold the bulb and 99 to drink until the room starts spinning.

scifidwarf
Scifidwarf  (Level: 140.8 - Posts: 249)
Sun, 16th Mar '08 12:47 AM

What's the difference between an Irish wake and an Irish wedding?

joanneeberlin
Joanneeberlin  (Level: 184.5 - Posts: 686)
Sun, 16th Mar '08 12:56 AM

what?

chickfbref1
Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Sun, 16th Mar '08 12:57 AM

One less drunk...

zeedee
Zeedee  (Level: 224.7 - Posts: 1088)
Sun, 16th Mar '08 6:21 AM

Eesus, you are probably right. If you'd drink less whiskey, you might start to understand what the poor old guy is saying. Your hearing is slurred.


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