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diva305
Diva305  (Level: 146.7 - Posts: 1651)
Wed, 9th Apr '08 3:42 PM

JEWISH WOMEN

Don't anybody get offended-cause I am-Jewish that is..and not offended
LAUGHING

Jewish Women

1. The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish
women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this
is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

2. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when
life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not
considered viable until it graduates from medical or law school.

3. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

4. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess
horror movie?
A: It's called 'Debbie Does Dishes.'

5. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

6. Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's.

7. When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that
her check came back, she replied, 'So did my arthritis.'

8. A man called his mother in Florida, 'Mom, how are you?'
'Not too good,' said the mother. 'I've been very weak.'
The son said, 'Why are you so weak?'
She said, 'Because I haven't eaten in 38 days.' The son
said, 'That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?'
The mother answered, 'Because I didn't want my mouth
to be filled with food if you should call.'

9. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother
he has a part in the play. She asks, 'What part is it?” The boy
says, 'I play the part of the Jewish husband.' The mother scowls and says,
'Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.'

10. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: (Sigh) Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to
be a nuisance to anybody.

11. Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to
kill us, we won, let's eat.

12. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish
mother on the street and said, 'Lady I haven't eaten in three days.'
'Force yourself,' she replied.

13. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a
Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

14. Jewish telegram: 'Begin worrying. Details to follow.'

15. Q: Why are Jewish Men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.




donden
Donden  (Level: 112.5 - Posts: 2127)
Wed, 9th Apr '08 4:30 PM

Hilarious!!! I'm saving these.

diva305
Diva305  (Level: 146.7 - Posts: 1651)
Wed, 9th Apr '08 4:39 PM

I relate!

2. An attorney son and a doctor stepson-Jewish Mother's Dream

#6-My new crib faces Saxs-sp that's my line

10!!! The LIGHT BULB-ROFLMAO

#11-TRUE

phitzy1
Phitzy1  (Level: 66.4 - Posts: 873)
Wed, 9th Apr '08 4:40 PM

Hilarious! And (somehow) true!

Love ya' Diva!

rictic
Rictic  (Level: 139.8 - Posts: 90)
Wed, 9th Apr '08 5:11 PM

Excellent, Diva!...Quite a few I haven't heard, and I love Jewish humour!...Thanks!

chickfbref1
Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Sat, 12th Apr '08 12:31 AM

I'm offended, I'm 1/2 Jewish. 1/2 Mexican and 1/2 Japanese.

Me.

barb
Barb  (Level: 183.8 - Posts: 38)
Sat, 12th Apr '08 3:01 PM

I love it!!! Absolutely hilarious! What's scary is that a lot of it rings very, very true for me! (I'm Jewish but always thought I was a "citizen of the world" and had become almost "Hispanic" through marriage, study and profession!!!)

rowlanda
Rowlanda  (Level: 70.0 - Posts: 2856)
Sat, 12th Apr '08 10:52 PM

Chick....Guess you REALLY need 1/2 off

diva305
Diva305  (Level: 146.7 - Posts: 1651)
Sat, 12th Apr '08 10:55 PM

Chick is Orthodox! (So she claims)

or is it Unorthodox?

diva305
Diva305  (Level: 146.7 - Posts: 1651)
Sat, 12th Apr '08 11:42 PM

and Oh Yeah Chick!

Isn't our big Orthodox Holiday coming up?

chickfbref1
Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Sun, 13th Apr '08 12:15 AM

Yes it is...did I mention that I'm 1/2 Ukranian Orthodox too?

diva305
Diva305  (Level: 146.7 - Posts: 1651)
Sun, 13th Apr '08 12:17 AM

You're all that alright!

So what ya having for Passover?

chickfbref1
Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2012)
Sun, 13th Apr '08 12:19 AM

Pork Loin, Bacon and potatoes.

LOVE YA DIVA...

Me.

diva305
Diva305  (Level: 146.7 - Posts: 1651)
Sun, 13th Apr '08 10:34 AM

Yummo!
We're having lobster

BTW-I HAVE TO SELL MY BREAD!

Will trade for gold nuggets or blue diamonds.


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