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Diva305  (Level: 153.5 - Posts: 1656)
Wed, 9th Apr '08 3:42 PM


Don't anybody get offended-cause I am-Jewish that is..and not offended

Jewish Women

1. The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish
women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this
is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

2. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when
life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not
considered viable until it graduates from medical or law school.

3. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

4. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess
horror movie?
A: It's called 'Debbie Does Dishes.'

5. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

6. Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's.

7. When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that
her check came back, she replied, 'So did my arthritis.'

8. A man called his mother in Florida, 'Mom, how are you?'
'Not too good,' said the mother. 'I've been very weak.'
The son said, 'Why are you so weak?'
She said, 'Because I haven't eaten in 38 days.' The son
said, 'That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?'
The mother answered, 'Because I didn't want my mouth
to be filled with food if you should call.'

9. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother
he has a part in the play. She asks, 'What part is it?” The boy
says, 'I play the part of the Jewish husband.' The mother scowls and says,
'Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.'

10. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: (Sigh) Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to
be a nuisance to anybody.

11. Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to
kill us, we won, let's eat.

12. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish
mother on the street and said, 'Lady I haven't eaten in three days.'
'Force yourself,' she replied.

13. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a
Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

14. Jewish telegram: 'Begin worrying. Details to follow.'

15. Q: Why are Jewish Men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.

Donden  (Level: 112.5 - Posts: 2127)
Wed, 9th Apr '08 4:30 PM

Hilarious!!! I'm saving these.

Diva305  (Level: 153.5 - Posts: 1656)
Wed, 9th Apr '08 4:39 PM

I relate!

2. An attorney son and a doctor stepson-Jewish Mother's Dream

#6-My new crib faces Saxs-sp that's my line



Phitzy1  (Level: 66.4 - Posts: 873)
Wed, 9th Apr '08 4:40 PM

Hilarious! And (somehow) true!

Love ya' Diva!

Rictic  (Level: 145.8 - Posts: 90)
Wed, 9th Apr '08 5:11 PM

Excellent, Diva!...Quite a few I haven't heard, and I love Jewish humour!...Thanks!

Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2011)
Sat, 12th Apr '08 12:31 AM

I'm offended, I'm 1/2 Jewish. 1/2 Mexican and 1/2 Japanese.


Barb  (Level: 189.4 - Posts: 38)
Sat, 12th Apr '08 3:01 PM

I love it!!! Absolutely hilarious! What's scary is that a lot of it rings very, very true for me! (I'm Jewish but always thought I was a "citizen of the world" and had become almost "Hispanic" through marriage, study and profession!!!)

Rowlanda  (Level: 70.0 - Posts: 2853)
Sat, 12th Apr '08 10:52 PM

Chick....Guess you REALLY need 1/2 off

Diva305  (Level: 153.5 - Posts: 1656)
Sat, 12th Apr '08 10:55 PM

Chick is Orthodox! (So she claims)

or is it Unorthodox?

Diva305  (Level: 153.5 - Posts: 1656)
Sat, 12th Apr '08 11:42 PM

and Oh Yeah Chick!

Isn't our big Orthodox Holiday coming up?

Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2011)
Sun, 13th Apr '08 12:15 AM

Yes it is...did I mention that I'm 1/2 Ukranian Orthodox too?

Diva305  (Level: 153.5 - Posts: 1656)
Sun, 13th Apr '08 12:17 AM

You're all that alright!

So what ya having for Passover?

Chickfbref1  (Level: 120.7 - Posts: 2011)
Sun, 13th Apr '08 12:19 AM

Pork Loin, Bacon and potatoes.



Diva305  (Level: 153.5 - Posts: 1656)
Sun, 13th Apr '08 10:34 AM

We're having lobster


Will trade for gold nuggets or blue diamonds.

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