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Diva305  (Level: 153.7 - Posts: 1657)
Tue, 22nd Apr '08 12:34 PM


Please tell me this won't happen to us......


An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake.."


Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful,knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."


Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't i t?" "No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."


Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and
adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name!
I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"


As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's v oice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"


Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection,
sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"

Osuzannacollage  (Level: 132.1 - Posts: 1299)
Tue, 22nd Apr '08 1:31 PM

Funny stuff, Diva! Am drifting closer into that territory myself.

Diva305  (Level: 153.7 - Posts: 1657)
Tue, 22nd Apr '08 6:36 PM

This is so us!!!

You Know You're A Floridian When....

.. Socks are only for bowling.

..You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in
five minutes.

..A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store,
but everything to do with shade.

..Your winter coat is made of denim.

..You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

..Anything under 70 is chilly.

..You pass on the right and honk at the elderly, but pull over for a

..You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.

..You could swim before you could read.

..You have to drive north to get to "The" South.

.You've gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treatbefore it got dark.

..You know that anything under a Category 3, just isn't worth waking up

..You dread love bug season.

..You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't
Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley , Frances , Ivan and

..You know what a snowbird is and when they'll leave.

..You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

..You were twelve before you ever saw snow, or you still haven't.

..'Down South' means Key West

..You think New York drivers licenses should only be valid in New York

..Flip-flops are everyday wear.

..Shoes are for business meetings and church,
..but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.

..Sweet tea can be served at any meal.

..An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.

..You smirk when a game show's 'Grand Prize' is a trip or cruise to

..You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

..A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

..You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.

..You know the four seasons really are: hurricane season, love bug
season, tourist season and summer

..It's not soda, cola, or pop. it's coke, regardless of brand or
flavor, 'What kinda coke you want?'

..Anything under 95 is just warm.

..You've hosted a hurricane party.

..You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.

..You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Ichnatucknee and

..You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than
have a boat yourself.

.Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include:
various fish, NRA, NASCAR, Go Gators, and a confederate flag.

..You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim. ..You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.

..You recognize Miami-Dade as ' Northern Cuba '.

Osuzannacollage  (Level: 132.1 - Posts: 1299)
Wed, 23rd Apr '08 1:50 AM

So true! ...and funny, too.


Phitzy1  (Level: 66.4 - Posts: 873)
Sat, 24th May '08 5:34 PM


My husband is a recent transplant. He is learning these things...there is hope.

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