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The Salty Dog
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(Level: 77.2 - Posts: 737)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 8:17 AM
"DEATH IS CAUSED BY SWALLOWING SMALL AMOUNTS OF SALIVA OVER A LONG PERIOD OF TIME."
R.I.P. George Carlin
Why we loved him:
“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”
“One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like”
“If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten”
“If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter”
“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.”
“You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans”
"When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?"
"When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?"
"If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?"
"When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"
"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?"
"If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?"
"Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?"
"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
"Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong."
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."
"Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?"
"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."
"Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with."
"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it."
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
"If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?"
"Electricity is really just organized lightning."
"Women like silent men, they think they're listening."
""I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?"
"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."
"If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?"
"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"
"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
"I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away."
"Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?"
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
"There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past."
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
" As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything."
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."
" I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."
“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist”
“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ...”
“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.”
(Level: 203.6 - Posts: 1025)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 8:29 AM
Thanks, Erin, for posting all that Gold. We're going to miss him for sure.
(Level: 152.5 - Posts: 4285)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 8:52 AM
Very sad about this. He was a funny, witty, intelligent, extraordinary guy.
(Level: 213.0 - Posts: 5682)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 8:56 AM
Thanks Erin...he will be missed...
(Level: 156.7 - Posts: 5483)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 9:42 AM
He was the funniest angry man on the planet, and made you think about what he said not just laugh.
(Level: 146.7 - Posts: 3848)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 10:43 AM
So many great people have died recently. This is another big loss. He was the king of observational comedy.
(Level: 135.1 - Posts: 838)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 11:03 AM
That is so sad to hear. My earliest memories is George Carlin as "Al Sleet The Hippi-Dippi Weatherman".. He surley will be missed
(Level: 185.5 - Posts: 1580)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 11:30 AM
His comedy was legendary. Hearing his name brings a smile to my face. Sad news...
(Level: 135.2 - Posts: 877)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 11:41 AM
“’Older’ sounds a little better than ‘old,’ doesn’t it?,”
“Sounds like it might even last a little longer. ... I’m getting old. And it’s OK. Because thanks to our fear of death in this country I won’t have to die — I’ll ‘pass away.’ Or I’ll ‘expire,’ like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital they’ll call it a ‘terminal episode.’ The insurance company will refer to it as ‘negative patient care outcome.’ And if it’s the result of malpractice they’ll say it was a ‘therapeutic misadventure.”’
If I was only brave enough to post the Seven Words Never to Be Said on Sploofus...
(Level: 62.6 - Posts: 2812)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 11:59 AM
Sorry, George. RIP, man.
(Level: 49.2 - Posts: 1685)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 12:04 PM
Is it possible for the editors to retitle this to include RIP George Carlin so people don't miss it?
He was great - devowled and all - while guised in comedy - he was a smart dude I wish people would get past the delivery and listen to what he says
He will be sorely missed
(Level: 149.5 - Posts: 6109)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 12:09 PM
Thanks, Erin! I don't watch a lot of comedians, but George Carlin could definitely make me laugh, and wonder how he came up with all of his ideas. It's really sad he had to leave us. I will always remember him, and the Hippy Dippy Weatherman. Maybe he was so funny because he was always so dry and serious, and it just seemed to come natural for him, unlike someone who is trying to make you laugh. He is definitely one of my favorite, if not favorite comedians of all times. He will definitely be missed.
(Level: 190.9 - Posts: 687)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 12:45 PM
This is the first for me hearing about this bad news about George Carlin. He was one of the greatest in our times. We will miss him.
God Bless his family.
Thanks for always making us laugh.....
(Level: 41.3 - Posts: 1312)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 4:42 PM
George made anyone in DEF Comedy look like a beginner.
(Level: 40.0 - Posts: 161)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 4:53 PM
R. I. P. George
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 4:55 PM
Editors cannot change titles in chat. Sorry.
(Level: 55.2 - Posts: 521)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 6:46 PM
Hair Poem--George Carlin
I'm aware some stare at my hair.
In fact, to be fair,
Some really despair of my hair.
But I don't care,
Cause they're not aware,
Nor are they debonair.
In fact, they're just square.
They see hair down to there,
Say, "Beware" and go off on a tear!
I say, "No fair!"
A head that's bare is really nowhere.
So be like a bear, be fair with your hair!
Show it you care.
Wear it to there.
Or to there.
Or to there, if you dare!
My wife bought some hair at a fair, to use as a spare.
Did I care?
Spare hair is fair!
In fact, hair can be rare.
Fred Astaire got no hair,
Nor does a chair,
Nor nor a chocolate eclair,
And where is the hair on a pear?
Nowhere, mon frere!
So now that I've shared this affair of the hair,
I'm going to repair to my lair and use Nair, do you care?
Here's my beard.
Ain't it weird?
Don't be sceered,
Just a beard
(Level: 153.7 - Posts: 1657)
Mon, 23rd Jun '08 7:43 PM
My favorite Carlin's:
BASEBALL AND FOOTBALL:
SEVEN WORDS: ADULTS!
Look up on youtube.com
RIP AND THANKS FOR THE LAUGHS!
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