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Christmas Business Facts and Figures
Billkozy on 12/21/2007 |
Christmas and the amounts of money that go around that time of the year...Here are some Christmas business statistics mostly out of Reader's Digest, except where otherwise sourced... Reminds me of this holiday email joke: Continuing the trend back towards turn-of-the-century monopolies, it was announced today that Christmas and Chanukah will now merge into one holiday. A source who requested that he not be identified said that a deal had been in the works for about 1,300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire. Details were not available but it is believed that the overhead of having 12 days of Christmas and 8 days of Chanukah was becoming just too cost-prohibitive for both sides. The anonymous spokesperson went on to say, "By combining forces, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high quality service during the 15 days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is to be called." Massive layoffs are expected with Lords-a-Leaping and Maids-a-Milking being the hardest hit. However, there will be a new folk heroine named Hanna Claus added to the holiday cast of characters. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the Hebrew letters on the Dreydl, a toy top used for traditional Chanukah game, will be converted to Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to an even wider audience. In exchange for converting the Hebrew lettering to Latin, it is believed the Jewish people will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their Chanukah gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least 300 years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave dairy products such as milk and cookies for Santa and Hanna Claus so soon after having eaten meat for dinner, a clear violation of Jewish dietary law. A breakthrough in negotiations came last year when Nabisco declared its Oreos to be Pareve. All sides appeared happy with this development except for Santa's and Hanna's dentists. A spokesperson for Christmas, Inc. declined to comment on whether a takeover of Kwaanza might be in the works as well. He pointed out though, that if it wasn’t for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said Kwanzaa and Ramadan will help maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all the media and holiday officials in a rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye faithful."
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